今天又没学习怎么办啊~~~~真的疯了

 

不管啦~~呵呵，n年前在小人的space上看到的~~超长超搞笑

 

 

1. You’re at an expensive western restaurant and don’t even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone
　　
　　2. You enjoy karaoke
　　
　　3. You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio
　　
　　4. The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism
　　
　　5. You smoke in crowded elevators.
　　
　　6. All white people look the same to you
　　
　　7. You like the smell of the bus.
　　
　　8. You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly
　　
　　9. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose
　　
　　10. You find western toilets uncomfortable
　　
　　11. You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person)
　　
　　12. You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy
　　
　　13. You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute
　　
　　14. A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.
　　
　　15. It’s OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window
　　
　　16. You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster
　　
　　17. You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software
　　
　　18. You are not surprised to see your tap water run dark brown
　　
　　19. You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui
　　
　　20. You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off
　　
　　21. You always leave tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks because you insisted it is the way to keep everyone employed
　　
　　22. You buy an XXXL T-shirt in store when you returned home
　　
　　23. You take large sum of cash whenever you go hospital in home country
　　
　　24. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on the restaurant floor
　　
　　25. You think it’s silly to buy a new bike when it’ll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price.
　　
　　26. You’d rather pay the 10 yuan for an all night stay at the internet cafe than the 30 for a taxi home.
　　
　　27. You feel cheated if you don’t receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut
　　
　　28. You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise)
　　
　　29. You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue
　　
　　30. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off
　　
　　31. It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting
　　
　　32. You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes
　　
　　33. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue
　　
　　34. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper
　　
　　35. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags
　　
　　36. You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
　　
　　37. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb
　　
　　38. You look over people’s shoulder to see what they are reading
　　
　　39. You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk
　　
　　40. When car accidents become a source of heartwarming humour
　　
　　41. When shopping at Carrefour some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai’s eat
　　
　　42. You have figured out that it is actually the Taiwanese who are running this country
　　
　　43. You have a pinky fingernail an inch long
　　
　　44. You burp in any situation and don’t care
　　
　　45. You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work
　　
　　46. You think Pizza Hut is high-class and worth queueing for
　　
　　47. You have learnt how to detect someone is in a hurry behind you, and now have the ability to not only walk very slowly but also grow eyes in the back of your head, so when they start to overtake on the right hand side, you automatically cut in and walk very slowly directly in front of them
　　
　　48. When you are able to jump the queue because the idiot laowai left 2 centimeters between themself and the person in front of them
　　
　　49. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules
　　
　　50. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai
　　
　　51. You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle
　　
　　52. The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card
　　
　　53. You think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk
　　
　　54. You go to the local shop in pajamas
　　
　　55. When looking out the window, you think “Wow, so many trees!” instead of “Wow, so much concrete!”
　　
　　56. Pollution, what pollution?
　　
　　57. You think “white pills, blue pills, and pink powder” is an adequate answer to the question “What are you giving me, doctor?”
　　
　　58. Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why
　　
　　59. Firecrackers don’t wake you up
　　
　　60. Your family stops asking when you’ll be coming back
　　
　　61. You wear out your vehicle’s horn before its brakes
　　
　　62. You buy a top-of-the-line karaoke machine
　　
　　63. Forks feel funny
　　
　　64. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals
　　
　　65. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China
　　
　　66. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, “Go away; leave me alone.”
　　
　　67. All the top-level government officials you befriended for guanxi purposes when you first arrived are retired and living in your country
　　
　　68. After being in an accident, you tell the ambulance driver which hospital to take you to
　　
　　69. Your company offers you a job in your native land, and includes regular “Home Leave” to China as an incentive
　　
　　70. You think of “salad” as diced apples in mayonnaise
　　
　　71. You don’t bother to take the sticker off the lenses of your fake Ray-Bans
　　
　　72. You only wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs
　　
　　73. Your handshake is weakening by the day
　　
　　74. You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
　　
　　75. Your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat
　　
　　76. You and a friend get on a bus, sit at opposite ends of the bus, and continue your conversation by yelling from one end to the other
　　
　　77. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign
　　
　　78. You like the taste of Green Tea and Chivas
　　
　　79. You start recognising the chinese songs on the radio and sing along to them with the taxi driver
　　
　　80. You feel insulted when you enter a restaurant and only three waiters welcome you
　　
　　**I didn't make these up but saw them online. Brilliant all the same - got anymore!?**
　　
　　
　　
　　以下是其他老外的跟帖补充：
　　1. You get on a bus and immediately fall asleep ..
　　
　　2. the footprints on the toilet seat are your own
　　
　　3. you uncontrollably blurt out "LaoWai" everytime you see one
　　
　　4. Cars and bikes honk their horns right behind you and you don't even flinch
　　
　　5. You've run out of good english dvds and now you are watching 15year old tv series that you didn't enjoy the first time.
　　
　　6. you can squat for three hours on flat feet,
　　
　　7. you believe a poodle is a 'big dog',
　　
　　8. you get shirty cos you can't smoke in McDonalds,
　　
　　9. you read spam text messages to improve your chinese
　　
　　10. Da Shan doesn't annoy you
　　
　　11. you believe warm water cures everything
　　
　　12. You can read the whole of the league table of your favourite sport in Chinese, but can't read a menu
　　
　　13. you believe you really do look like Beckham,
　　
　　13. all your family has a buddha and you don't know what to get for Chrismas that isn't a fake,
　　
　　14. you start wearing long johns if the temp drops below 10C,
　　
　　15. you can pick out pork balls from Sichan hotpot without using a spoon,
　　
　　16. you think the olympics in 2008 will cure pollution,
　　
　　17. when you think it's quite ok to go on the street in your pyjamas
　　
　　18. you insist on talking putonghua to other foreigner, although you went to same university back home.
　　
　　19. you fall in front of a car, pretend to be badly hurt, but than realize the licence plate is not black an you get up and walk away like nothing happened. (you know you'll get lucky one of these days).
　　
　　20. some says Grandmas Chicken and you know what they mean.
　　
　　21. You know you've been in China too long when your Chinese wife controls you by what she DOESN'T do.
　　
　　22. You go to Beijing and swear at people in dongbeihua.
　　
　　23. when you say "it's way too mafan, I'd rather kuaidi it to you".

　　
　　24. nice 100,000 dollar cars with hello kitty seat covers....
　　
　　25. A three hour lunch break is no longer long enough!
　　
　　26. when you are going to kill somebody the next time you here "take me to your heart".
　　
　　27. When you suddenly realize that the shop assistant in your own country has no idea why you are showing her a hang ten sign and shouting liu kuai, liu kuai at the top of your voice!
　　
　　28. When la and bu la taste the same to you. 　　
　　29. When you start thinking that those little kid pants with a hole in the bottom are not such a bad idea, and that maybe they should make them in adult sizes.
　　
　　30.When you buy 10 DVD at 5RMB each and wonder if you should bargain.
　　
　　31.　When your colleague's mobile phone is screaming Shakira during the meeting and you are no longer surprised (neither your boss...)
　　
　　32. When you see half naked people in the bank...and you are still not surprised
　　
　　33. you break your arm go to a doctor and they run out of bandage for the cast and they use newspaper　　

　　34. when you think you're really handsome with all those chinese girls who want to meet you !
　　
　　35. when you're sure your Chinese is pretty good with all these "ni de zhongwen feichang hao, wo ting hao ni shuo de" ... after asking for a cup of coffee or asking for the way!!